Zero, You Have Granny Hair
by xReicheru-chanx
Summary: Trouble is stirring up at Cross Academy... and Zero and his hair don't like it one bit. My part of a writing contest against my sister, xzukoorzerox.


**Author's Notes: Sorry I haven't updated in forever, LOL. Writer's block/no time/blah blah blah. So, now, I bring you… ZERO'S HAIR. Yes. I know, it's epic. This story was written for a writing competition against my little sister, who now has her own account! YOU'RE GOIN' DOWN, HANA-CHAN. YEAH, I TURNED YOU JAPANESE. Her account is xzukoorzerox (tcha, epic name… they both pwnify). Go read her story, and then tell us whose awesome-ocity is greater! **

**This story takes place while everyone's still at Cross Academy, after Yuuki finds out that Zero's a vampire. Bwa. Ha. Ha.**

-x-

Laughter. _Nothing_ was more irritating than the maniacal giggling of those crazy Night Class fangirls. Well, maybe their _'KYAH KYAH KYAH'_-ing was worse… Zero just couldn't decide.

He strolled casually past the horde of mindless fanatics, hands in his pockets. To the typical bystander, it would seem like he was completely ignoring his fellow prefect, Yuuki Cross, as she struggled to contain the frantic fangirls. In reality, he was watching carefully, in case his friend got hurt or something. He'd have to kick someone's butt… or, at least, glare at them until they ran away screaming. Zero didn't much like the idea of beating up a girl, even if they _were_ annoying.

It was a good thing that the silver-haired vampire was keeping an eye out for trouble, because when he was two steps past Yuuki, a certain eyeglass-wearing class representative practically tackled the exhausted prefect, screaming some crap about needing to see Ruka. They hit the ground hard, and the fact that the walkway was made of concrete didn't help matters.

Instantly, Zero whipped around and kicked the class rep (who happened to, ahem, land on Yuuki) in the side, which sent him flying five feet away. He landed with a _thud_.

"OW! WHAT WAS THAT FOR, KIRYUU?" he complained loudly, scrambling unceremoniously to his feet and rubbing his sore bottom. "That _hurt!_"

"It was supposed to, idiot," muttered the very annoyed vampire, and gave the hapless student one of his patented 'I'm going to MURDER you' glares.

The class rep blanched, eyes going wide behind his overly reflective glasses. "You're so mean!" he wailed.

Zero kept up his hostile staring. There was so much tension in the air that one of the Day Class girls took out a random butter knife and cut a slice out of the air, then ate it like a piece of pie. The other girls followed suit, because they all apparently carried butter knives around. Class Rep trembled.

"You're… um… not going to hurt me, are you…? K-kiryuu…" he whimpered.

Yuuki, who was still lying on the ground for some reason, flailed. "GO KICK HIS BUTT, ZERO! _MY_ BUTT HURTS NOW, SO HIS SHOULD TOO!"

The atmosphere was slightly awkward there for a moment, but Zero shrugged and took a menacing step towards his victim… who promptly ran away screaming and crying.

"MERCY, MERCY!" he yelled as he ran around in circles, arms flapping around like a decapitated chicken.

Unfortunately, this proved to fail, because Zero tripped the class rep and he went flying _another_ five feet before landing on his rear end.

"OWWWWWWWWWWIEEE!" cried the poor guy. "I HATE YOU, KIRYUU! YOU AND YOUR… YOUR… _GRANNY HAIR__!"_

Zero blinked in faint surprise. "Granny hair?"

"YES, PIG FACE! GRANNY HAIR!"

Sadly, the Night Class chose that very moment to emerge from the gates, and caught that last statement.

"Granny hair?" Aidou wondered aloud. "I wonder who could have _granny hair_ around here…" he smirked, and darted over to poke Zero in the face… which earned the blonde vampire a _punch_ in the face. Hanabusa backed away, rubbing his sore cheek. Kain walked up behind his cousin and sighed, then slapped him upside the head, producing an indignant '_Ouch_!'

"Don't be stupid, stupid," muttered the exasperated redhead.

"I do NOT have granny hair," Zero growled – causing the fangirls to shirk away and Aidou's blue eyes to widen in fear. There was a small cloud right over Zero's head, and it was rapidly turning into a thunderstorm with lightning wildly shooting around. Then it started to rain, getting our favorite silver-haired vampire all wet. The irritated teenager swatted the cloud away, muttering about stupid authors and symbolism.

Ruka walked up to the congregation, and tilted her head to the side thoughtfully. "You know, Kiryuu, I think you really _do_ have granny hair."

"Shut up!" he yelled, and turned his head to the side abruptly – resulting in an accidental hair flip that made the horde of fangirls break out in nosebleeds and faint.

All the vampires' eyes gleamed red…

"Aw, crap," the author muttered. "I can't kill off the Day Class…"

For some odd reason, all the blood disappeared and the vampires were no longer thirsty.

"What the heck just happened?" muttered Akatsuki.

Ruka frowned. "I heard a voice…"

Aidou started trembling and looking at the sky. "Was that God?"

"Nope!" the author said cheerfully.

"Whew," Hanabusa sighed in relief and wiped the sweat off his forehead.

Yuuki finally decided to get to her feet and join the conversation. "Y'know, Zero, your hair _is_ a peculiar shade of white…"

"SILVER!" he roared in annoyance.

Kaname finally emerged from the gates, nom-nom-nomming on a chili cheese dog. And we _all_ know that when Kaname eats chili cheese dogs, PEOPLE DIE.

"Well, what do we have here?" he smiled, teeth chock full of whatever's in chili cheese dogs. [Duh – chili, cheese, and dogs.]

"Zero has granny hair," muttered Kain.

Aidou nudged his cousin. "_Why do you only mutter when you talk, Akatsuki?"_

The redhead shrugged. "It's what I do," he muttered.

Shiki and Rima walked up, bored and eating Pocky. Yes, they were both eating Pocky. But Shiki ate all of his, so he stole the piece that Rima was eating (even though it had spit and stuff on it) and ate it. Rima stared at him like he just sprouted a second head.

Senri couldn't help it. He was a Pocky addict.

Zero glared at Kaname, simply because the pureblood was standing there. It would be nice to punch that arrogant leech… but Yuuki probably wouldn't like it if Kaname's face was rearranged, so Zero refrained from being the living crap out of him.

Even more tension was added to the already thick air. If the Day Class girls had still been conscious, they would have passed out from the lack of oxygen. As it was, Yuuki and Kain (the victim of circumstances), both keeled over sideways. Luckily, Zero caught Yuuki (because he's ninja like that). However, no one even noticed that Akatsuki collapsed.

Kaname glared at the silver-haired vampire in annoyance. "_I_ was going to catch her, Kiryuu."

Zero rolled his eyes. "Yeah, right after you finish your weird-looking food."

"My food is NOT weird-looking!" screamed the pureblood in denial. In fact, the chili cheese dog was VERY weird-looking; the bun was bright pink, snot-green mold was sprouting all over it, and it sparkled like someone had poured glitter on the thing.

Ruka prodded the very fatty (and probably poisonous) food apprehensively. "Kaname-sama, did you leave that under Aidou's bed for a week? It's sparklier than the Nyan Cat…"

"Nope!" he replied cheerfully. "I bought it in Forks, Washington!"

Everyone who was still conscious facepalmed, except for Zero. _Kaname-sama has been infected by fairy-vampires… which explains why he's acting so strange… _they thought.

Zero, however, was thinking something along the lines of _HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE? IT'S NOT LIKE HE HAS A PRIVATE JET AND CAN FLY AROUND THE WORLD… DURING THE _DAYTIME_ NO LE- hey!_

For at that point, the author sensed that Zero had discovered a plot hole, and immediately put duct tape over his thoughts. But – no! – Zero was too awesome for that to work, and so the non-existent duct tape melted and Kaname turned into a space unicorn. The End.

-x-

**A space unicorn? What are you ta- oh… yeah, that… um… … … aheh.**


End file.
